Singaporean guide to Parenting Preparation

I came across this yesterday on a local website... Thought I would share:

Parenting Preparation exercise:
(complete with a little Singlish)
Mess Exercise - Smear peanut butter all over your sofa and curtains. Place a fishball under your sofa cushion and leave it there for 3 months.
Toy Exercise - Buy a giant box of Lego. (Thumbtacks also can.) Ask your friend to spread them all over the floor of your flat. Simulate the middle of the night by putting on a blindfold and trying to walk to your toilet or kitchen. When you step on a Lego or thumbtack, do not scream because this would wake your child up at night.
Supermarket Exercise - Go to Hay Dairies in Lim Chu Kang and borrow two of their goats. Take them with you to your supermarket to do your groceries. Always keep them in sight, and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Dressing Exercise - Buy one very big, very buay song live octopus. Try to stuff it into a small net bag and make sure all its arms stay inside.
Feeding Exercise - Get a large plastic bottle. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend the bottle from the ceiling with a bungee cord. Separately, make a bowl of Quaker Oats by adding warm milk to the dry oats. Start to swing the jug. As it swings, try to insert as many spoonfuls of the soggy oats as you can into the mouth of the bottle. As you do, make sounds like “um-um-um” or pretend to be an aeroplane. After a while, just dump the contents of the bottle onto the floor.
Night-Time Exercise - Fill a small cloth bag with 5 kg of sand. Soak it completely in water. At 3 pm, pick up the bag and stand up, swaying gently back and forth while humming songs. Keep doing this till 8 pm. Put down the bag, and set your alarm clock for 9 pm, then try to sleep. At 9 pm, wake up, pick up the bag again and resume swaying and humming every song you’ve ever known. If you run out of songs, make some up. Continue till 5 am. Take a nap, and set alarm clock for 6 am. At 6 am, wake up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look happy.
Car Exercise - Forget the BMW and buy a MPV. Buy a cone of ice cream and put it in your dashboard compartment. Leave it there. Take a twenty cent coin. Stick it into your CD player. Buy a big packet of cookies. Mash them into your back seat. Take your car keys and run them along both sides of your car. There! Just like the real thing!
Mother's Body Exercise - Buy a large bean bag chair. Attach it to the front of your clothes for 9 months. After that, remove 6 beans.
Financial Exercise - Go to the nearest NTUC. Go to the cashier and give her your wallet, telling her to help herself. Now go to your bank and arrange for your pay to be GIRO’d directly to NTUC from now on. Go to the mama stall and buy a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Sanity Exercise - Make sure your TV can only switch to children’s channels. Throw out all your DVDs and buy only the Best of the Wiggles, Barney, Dora the Explorer, etc. Check in every few weeks with your psychiatrist to see if your IQ is still normal.
Final Exercise - Find a couple who already have a young child. Lecture them on how they can improve their tolerance lah, discipline lah, toilet training lah, patience lah, the child’s table manners lah, the kid’s PSLE results lah, etc. Tell them how the kindergarten they enrolled their kid in is just not good enough, and they must enroll in all sorts of extra classes like Music & Drama, Speech, and donno what else. Emphasise to them that they must never, ever allow their kids to stray onto the wrong path or their future will be doomed forever. Enjoy this experience while it lasts. Because when you have your own kid, it’ll happen to you.